Parenting in a world of constant notification is not about rejecting technology – it’s about choosing balance. When we set our phones down, we show our kids that our time with them comes first before any notification. Barbara Johnson wisely puts it as, “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”

Parenting in a World of Notifications

At a recent public event, I noticed rows of toddlers fixated on their parent’s phone or iPads. Some were on their parents’ laps, and some on the floor in between the chairs as their innocent eyes locked onto cartoons. It may seem harmless and convenient for parents who were socializing and enjoying the event. I wondered: what memories will these children carry into adulthood? Will they remember playful times with friends or hours spent watching cartoons? I could hear catchy jingle bells while the laughter of children playing together seemed strangely absent.

I write this post not out of judgement but an honest concern as I parent a toddler myself. It’s about awareness. My wife and I keep the TV off, showing only calm, family-focused cartoons over hyper-energetic ones like Baby Shark. That’s the only time our TV is on when we’re with her besides the time we sing & dance to her favourite songs. We don’t say it’s perfect approach, but it sure creates balance between convenience and intention.

Like other parents, we’re still figuring our how to nurture healthy habits and meaningful memories beyond cartoons. Over the years, I’ve learned that ‘parenting’ isn’t about perfection – it’s about ‘presence, and creating lasting memories’.   

“Our children will not remember the cartoon they watched, but the memories we created with them”.

The Irreplaceable Value of Time with Children

For Afghan families settling in foreign countries, parenting comes with extra challenges. You juggle between starting a new life, working hard to make a living while building social life. For some, screens may seem a practical solution while carrying heavy responsibilities. Screens occupy children while the parents manage other tasks. But the truth is parenting carries permanent and life-long consequences that cannot be reclaimed unlike other responsibilities. You can postpone a chore, skip a social gathering or reschedule your meeting but a lost moment with a child is lost forever.

I personally committed to avoid my phone except for taking Anam’s photos, videos or calling her grandmother. I promised not to hand her screen until she turns three. When I put my phone aside to play with her, I forget all the chores and professional tasks. She objects when we mimic her with a firm ‘Nooooo!’. She loves imitating us instead, lolz. The difference has been remarkable as these moments build trust, her confidence and lifelong memories.

You may argue that time has changed, gadgets teach them new skills or the most common one I hear, ‘it helps them learn English’. Yes, screens have become ‘part’ of our life, but excessive screen time comes with risks that need to be managed with care.

The Side Effects of Excessive Screen Time

• The most common issue parents share is ‘delayed language development’. I’ve heard Hazara parents (an ethnic group from Afghanistan having migrated due to persecution and target killing) in Australia, New Zealand, and Europe share lack of communication or speech delays among their toddlers despite having multiple children in the same house.
• Spending more time on screens is directly linked to frustration, lack of focus and behavioural issues. As they grow, they need to develop empathy, cooperation and independence but their problem-solving skills are impaired with minimum face-to-face interaction and excessive screen time. Studies show that increased screen time increases tantrum which will impact emotional wellbeing of children in the long term.
• The uncontrolled screen time can negatively affect mental wellbeing of children in the long-term. Too much exposure especially before bedtime affects sleep and can make children anxious or hyperactive. Screen exposure will have serious development impacts on their personality. And it’s never too late to set boundaries.      

Technology is not the enemy but how we use it determines its impact on the little ones. Screens can supplement real-life connections but never replace them. There are certainly educational and socially appropriate content that enhance cognitive growth and children’s education. But you can’t simply leave them with their phones or iPad for convenience. Children need active engagement: singing, cheering, and playing together. We need to be present in their world, because we brought them into this world. Handing a child a screen may feel a normal decision; this simplest act not only robs their childhood but also disrupts their emotional, social and cognitive skills.    

“Finding time is not about adding more hours to your day but it’s about choosing presence over distractions”.

When Anam was younger, I limited my social interactions, I missed out trekking and camping with friends because of family commitment and the fact that she’s our first child. Looking back, I don’t regret the choices I made as I’ve learned important lessons of parenthood. Some friends complained, others were cynical of change in my interactions, and only a few understood. I’m grateful we took endless pictures, made great memories and continue to watch some of the ‘good’ content.  

Building connection – Alternatives to Screen Time

YouTube videos and cartoons can offer some educational value, but children need real-world interactions. There are great shows about language, creativity and family connection but no screen can nurture a child’s imagination than human interactions. Here are some screen-free activities for parents to engage with their little ones:

• Nature is free: Exploring birds, clouds and leaves stimulate their senses. And simple outdoor activities: a walk in the park, visit to a playground or a garden can spark curiosity and build physical strength. My football game seems to have improved by entertaining Anam on every plain field we find to play, lol!
• Family traditions: Picnic on the weekends, evening walks and even bedtime activities keep them excited or a simple dinning out on special occasions creates a family bonding opportunity. Never underestimate the impacts of celebrating special occasions and milestones of life.
• Let’s cook together! Engaging toddlers in simple kitchen activities: peeling fruits & washing veggies, stirring, pouring or decorating improves their patience, focus and listening. Never mind the mess, those spills and splatters create beautiful memories you will cherish later. In our house, Anam can find her favourite utensil regardless of her mum’s efforts in hiding them.
• Creative corner: A simple art station with stickers, crayons and colouring books can fuel their imagination while allowing them to express feelings in their creative ways. Looking for a adult colouring book that helps with your mindfulness journey, click HERE.
• Music & dance: Rhythm and movement are powerful tools of entertaining the little ones while building their motor skills. While music stimulates language and memory, dancing together encourages them to imitate, which is very important way of early learning. Most importantly, music creates joy and gives them a safe space to express feelings.

When you involve your child in these activities, you are not creating just fun moments, you are giving them safe space, confidence and joy. These moments become foundation of building trust, resilience and how they see the world. These memories live on their hearts for a lifetime. And children of immigrant families face more learning challenges due to language barriers, cultural and traditional practices so they needs their parents’ time and attention. Spending quality time and engaging them in active habits prepare them for world challenges as they grow.

“It’s not about doing things for your children – it’s about living life with them.”

Learning from Experts

Toddlers and young children learn by sharing toys, listening to tones of voices and through interactions with other toddlers and their family members. When you hand them a phone every time they cry, you rob them of their early learning: patience, emotional regulation and coping mechanism. Here are some interesting TED talks which provide scientific and educational insights on the impacts of screen times:

• How Every Child Can Thrive by Five by Molly Wright delivers a profound and heartfelt talk by emphasizing that healthy early development centres on five key elements: connection, talking, playing, a healthy home and community. 
• Empowering Kids to Rise Above Technology Addiction by Lisa Strohman explains the effects of technology addiction on children’s development while educating parents to create responsible tech habits. 
• The Power of Play by Jill Vialet illustrates how structure and inclusive play is essential life skills for social and emotional wellbeing.
• Media and Children by Dimitri Christakis explains that not all screen time is harmful but stresses on the importance of moderation, high quality content and parental engagement. According to him, presence and human connection are irreplaceable foundation for health development.
• The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown is one of the most watched TED talks. Although the focus is not parenting, Brown reveals that individual who embrace vulnerability, experience a deeper sense of belonging and joy. She explains that embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a brave choice that fosters authenticity and meaningful relationships.

Parenting is not about perfection – it’s about being authentically present in their world. Screens have become part of our world, but they should never take away what truly matters to them and us: nurturing memories with them. When they grow older, they won’t remember the times spent on devices but the games we played, the hugs we gave and those precious moments we chose to be fully present with them.

“Every moment of presence is a gift that shapes your child’s world for a lifetime”

So let’s make the difficult choice: put down our phones a little more often. Let’s resist the temptation of convenience and instead build collage of memories with the little ones. Believe it or not, parenting is fleeting and childhood is even shorter so let’s choose to make it meaningful.   

How do you balance screen time with family bonding time? Please share in the comment section.

Jawad Jahid